Ramble

Christmas is my favorite time of year, but I am sad to say that this year I don't want it to come. I don't want to go to my Gma's and see the empty chair where my Gpa has sat for the past 27 years of my life to open gifts. Or see someone else in it or at the head of the table... I'm going to have to just get over it. Xmas will come, I will go to my Gma's and I will look at the empty chair. Maybe I'll be able to picture him there and remember all the great times... I really hope so! Sorry, I should probably just erase this as I am rambling about nothing but every time I try to say something about how I am really feeling, I feel SOOO guilty.

It's ridiculous, I know. But everyone says to remember that he is happy now and to be happy for him. I am. But I am sad for me. And that makes me feel selfish which in turn makes me feel guilty. Why can't I be happy. Knowing that he lived 81 years on the earth and made a HUGE impact on people's lives? It's almost been a month and I feel like I am just now coming out of this funk I have been in. I have hulled up in my house and my classroom. I haven't really seen anyone except for my husband and the people who throw themselves in front of me (aka, my students)...

Now I have been REALLY busy. Coaching will do that to a person. SO annoying. But I've been happy to have the distractions, to be busy, to have the excuse to retreat. Maybe that is starting to go away. I really would like to feel like myself again, and not some crazy person who could burst into tears at any moment. I've done that. I am always alone, but my mind will wander and the next thing you know, Niagara Falls.

I have missed Blogging too. But I can't blame that on losing Gpa. I blame that on losing my life to coaching. I have 3 1/2 days left and then 2 glorious (jury duty filled) weeks off! Kevin and I are going to Florida to see the Boykin's the day after Xmas. I can't wait. I always feel better when I am around that family. :)

Here's to a happier blog... I just know it's in my future. Thanks for listening, if you still there, BTW.